Monday, December 29, 2008

What a semester of Law School taught me

Took my last exam for this semester, doesn't clearly mean I have "completed" it ; well of course till my result isn't out. But while going for the exam in the morning I just asked myself one thing. In between the projects and internals and meeting new people, and selective study. ( Something which has bailed me out of trouble all my life) did I really learn anything? Can I confidently say that I have covered 10% of what my curriculum requires my to know of the 10 Semester course? I don't know, the real test cannot be any exam, not for me. But there surely is a huge list of the things I learn't.

.)There is no time for postponing anything here, one thing ends and the other starts; If one starts procrastinating, then by the end of the semester; life will seem hell.

.)A good impression on the teachers can ensure that one passes in the exams, primarily because the 25-75 division of internal and external marks gives them the authority to turn your life upside down, in more ways than one.

.)Inside college do whatever you want to do, talk to whoever you want; but make sure only YOU know who you talk to and what and how much.

.)Going to the "maggi point" during that half an hour break is uselss, the slow walk and the run back to class within half an hour makes a person tired for the after lunch class.

.) Holidays is a concept or word atleast IP University isn't very aware of.

.)Notes do not help during exams, nor do those people (friends) who have those notes. Books and Wikipedia come more handy, reliable, convenient and of course, dependable.

.)"Man is solitary , poor, nasty , brutish and short " - Thomas Hobbes
(Hell yes! I agree. I call it cause and effect.)

.)The three reasons for a person committing suicide are - If he is an egotist , altruist or due to socio-economic conditions " - Emile Durkheim
( Oh really? :P )

.)According to Section 30 of the Indian Contracts Act, An agreement to wagering is void.
Still it is interesting to note that Horse Racing isn't considered wagering and is excluded from this provision.
Also, State Lotteries are not criminalized, however if a person does win a state lottery he cannot put a legal claim for it , because lottery by means of wagering is a void agreement.

.)Political Theory is cleaner than practical politics.

.)Mahatma Gandhi's contribution to the freedom struggle has been overrated.

.)The concept of just a government and a just government was given and forgotten.

.) " An eye for an eye, a limb for a limb, a life for a life " - Sharia, the Muslim source of Law.
(Explains alot of things, *shrug* )

And lastly, most of the things I learnt in these five months , will probably never be required in any courtroom battle. Has it made me wiser than the rest?
Time will tell.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I am
My image
A faint working
Of sketch marks
Across azure-lined pages.

I am
My memory,
A faint lineage
In the traces
Of a time once known.

I am
My history
Is merely the existence
Of the stories I tell
To make believe I exist.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Har kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta kisi ko zameen milti hai ; to kisi ko aasmaa nahi milta

"When it comes to practicality, things don't work this way.
I can either follow my dreams or make money, the other part of my life anyway sucks "

I have unwillingly been carried away.
Where everything is and must
be defined, refined, and redefined.

Where living your dreams is stupidity.
Where reality in unreal.
Where truth is just a 'never-heard-about' concept.
Where right & wrong is always debated in the mind.
Where I just feel I'm STUPID.

Despite my efforts to avoid assimilation,

I, too, scream mindlessly at eternal traffic.

I, regrettably, am in a fruitless rush

when there are hours or days to spare.
I think of the clear other side,

open-ended and unexpected like cancer.

I want to find my way.

The internal struggle is still on, with people around and inside, I want you to live your dreams, I want you to forget practicality , forget every reason that holds you back and live the way you always wanted to.I don't know if I am Learning the concept of selflessness or trying hard not be a bitch in the bargain? All I know is, It's not easy to be you, and its not easy to be me either.

Nerves of steel
Wills of iron
and a

Chocolate pudding heart, which does all the damage!

youn to koi tanha nahi hota,
chaah kar bhi koi juda nahi hota,
mohabbat ko to majbooriyan hi le doobti hai,
warna khushi se koi bewafa nahi hota!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Green Eyes

So you have all said a word or two about it, how it should be , how it shouldn't . The conventional and unconventional, the real and fake, the practical and impractical.
I say you are all losers, YES! Fucking nuthead morons of the highest order.

You think you are being protective, warning me against it, am I going in a deep ocean without knowing how to swim? How the fuck do you know I am gonna drown for sure?
Protective eh?
I say ; be brave , have the courage!

You think I am a kid, I don't know how this dirty mean world works, I live in a parallel world, do I? Hell yes there is a parallel world, far much dangerous, far much adventurous, far much unexpected than you can think of! If here you think I can't survive, there I am living, with courage and compassion, outreaching any one who claims to be real.

I am just being myself, is that a problem for u motherfuckers?
I believe I am better than most of you all, is that again a problem?
I know I will prove my worth to myself.
I know this very feeling of being someone better makes me feel shallow inside, I have been taught to be humble, "down to earth", but I'm not.
I have nothing to lose to you all you cowards, I will lose myself only to him; in every sense of the word.
Does this burn your heart? You feel better when you point out my flaws,gives you a feeling that your life's better, doesn't it?
And when you say it to others, it makes you better in comparison to me! I know you all , you dickheads, I know the psyche of human beings, I know it all.
Yow will again tell me ," no you don't , you'r just a 19 year old kid "
I say, yes I am 19. Yes I am a kid, and this kid will make life hell you mess with me, you know that already don't you?

Its capricious. I know.
He is the man all that I want. I love him dangerously.
And I know you all , can just stand there and envy me.

Honey, you are a rock upon which I stand!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

If you can dream it, you can do it!

Politics needn't be a swear word. Politicians can be good for you. They can be business managers running the state like its a company where change is a number that has to be achieved. A politician can know how to use a computer and turn a backwater into a technology hub. He can be a fanatic but about the common man's prosperity. He can look good, and even hotter than Tom Cruise ;)
Stay in power by the surrender of power.
Represent, not rule.
Politics and governance can be transparent. You will have the right to be able to hold a politician responsible for his actions.

And then, politicians will stop asking for your support. They will support you.
Starting now politics will not come in your way , it will be the way.

Its just about some time, the change will come in soon. Even here :D

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Sin Wagon

Every now and then I hear it coming down the street; I recognize the music which blares from its speakers. A sound all to familiar. Is it that time again? I close my windows and lock my doors as not to be tempted to run outside and take a peek, the temptation is too much to resist. I'm not talking about an ice cream truck; the "sin wagon" is back in town today, collecting the lost souls who want to take a ride, a little escapade and a departure from reality for just a few days, months, years. You decide when you want to come back, this trip is free, and the destination is to the VIP section in the coolest parts of hell.

What do you have to lose? Life smells like stinky dog poop right now, you need an escape and we guarantee that you will have the time of your life. Wait until you see the coming attractions, you wont be sorry you hopped onboard. Lets take a quick detour to "over indulgence," that's always fun!
What's your poison? Tequila? Drugs? Sugar? Sex? It's okay; go ahead...we are on a binge here. Next stop is "reckless intent." Let's get crazy! So what if it isn't right, who cares? We are on vacation from "good"; we have a hall pass to do reckless things on the "sin wagon." Right on, I see "undisciplined" ahead of us. How fun it is to ignore our responsibilities! This feels so good to do! I think I shall spend some more time here, party on I'll catch up with you later.

I don't know how long I've been on this ride now, but I'm getting weary. I miss those who are waiting at home for me. As I look to those who I share this wagon, there is nothing loving or good that I feel. I miss home, its time I get off this ride and say goodbye to those who wish to not

I hear the sounds of this wagon again, passing through my neighborhood. The music is tempting and I find that I want to take a peek. Yet I remember the last ride, and however sweet the sound, the trip isn't worth it. Maybe, I should seek to visit heaven next, hell is overrated. Trust me, I know. Some rides aren't worth the journey taken.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Holding On


and then,... Chhotepan ka ehsaas.

So there are times, when I just feel like giving up everything, things I've stood for, things I believe in, things I want to be. Feel like ridiculing almost about everything positive and everything which has been an opium to life at some point or the other.
People ; their thoughts and words which have affected me in any way and made me who I am.
Lessons I have learn't ;
Notions I have about the way I learnt those lessons.
Notions about the way people behave/think/react/exist.

More importantly, the dreams I have seen for myself ; because of the million hurdles, because of the will going down, the strength diminishing, the nervous system crash if I may call it.

And then, I weigh it with that one thing I am living for

Ek Pehchaan.

It's worth holding on.
One more time. And many more to come.


and, the much wanted desire and want to fulfill every dream..
...will make me fall a million times, make me vulnerable, break my heart;
But I see no better way to live.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Epiphany

There comes a time in every individual's life when the world just... stops. Time ceases, and only the beat of a heart can pulse within the ears. It always happens when there is a choice involved. A choice when one is waiting to decide which road will apply not only to the individual, but to the world.

One choice... small, mundane. The heart races, the palms sweat... time begins to pound, and the nervous anxiety of a soul crying out begins to be understood. For one moment in time, that individual gets it.

Heresy. Blasphemy. We all carry that spark, that infinite wisdom. We love, we laugh, we cry and weep. We create.

Each kind intention, a stack of good. Each wrong and evil presence another blot of darkness upon the canvas.

We are paint. We are spirit.

And then the moment comes/... and we choose.

Do we bring this knowledge to our populations... or do we hide it among dusty books and heretical lists? Who are we? Which choice is right?

Nothing. Nothing is what is right. All is perspective, relativism and illusion. Everything is based upon perception, and there is no possibility of making everyone happy. The pursuit of happiness is by necessity self-centered. The moral person pursues happiness while attempting to not harm others. THAT is the difference between good and evil.

THAT is who we are.

I lost these words the moment they fell out of my mouth, It's called an illusion and we are *IN* it.
Those million little pieces, they just fit at different places and can never be 'fixed'

It does make sense u retard.! I wanna grump and rant and rant and grump! People, places, stories, realizations, mistakes, feeling, thoughts, events.
Sleep is the best escape.

we are just a part of an illusion, that rabbit and hat magic the magicians do, thats what happens with us; except that the poor rabbit doesn't know he is a part of a trick unlike us. Yet we keep contradicting ourselves on the arguement that we see it, feel it , here it just as it is.
And then a certain part says that its just voices and faces.
Tricked, duped, deny , accept.

Fuck it. They are all wrong.

supposed to?
This is the word which creates all the shit. What is suppose to be will never be, its the molding and the fixings and the forceful fittings which make them the way they become.
Knowing about the the do's and the don'ts make it freaky and makes people like us retards.
Intoxication, sleep and tears. An elevated high; are true.
rest everything's a fuckin illusion.

P.S - People are bitter and people are total assholes. It's why sometimes I'm a bit of a hermit. Truthfully speaking though , it's just the outcome of a world which has never treated its occupants with any reasonable sort of care. This is called cause and effect. :|

S.S I owe you a part of it, facebook postings aren't always random time killing tools. ;)

Saturday, September 13, 2008


Just another lazy Saturday evening, was waiting to meet Shruti after a month, she walked in at 6:30, apart from the " So finally how’s college?" update she was waiting to know from me, the most important thing was our excitement to be a part of this show on NDTV tomorrow which was supposed to be a chat show with Abhishek Bachan, :)

My sister walked in the room ; " Sorry but bad news for both of you ; Delhi's on high alert cause of serial blasts and even in GK I, so stop dreaming about Abhishek Bachan now " ( The NDTV office happens to be in GK I)

Our first reaction was obviously a little sad and then a usual five minute discussion on how disgusting it is to terrorize people at the cost of human lives but we went back to what we were talking and that tomorrow's plans will now have to be cancelled, cause just like ours even AB's parents might ask him not to go out of the house ;which was again interrupted by mum's panic phone call since she isn’t in town, and then another and then another by friends and non friends and people who had forgotten my existence for over months; (here I can't resist myself to mention that the ones who really claim to be concerned just forget that I happen to live just 10 minutes away from where these blasts happened) and before we realized, her brother was there to pick her up.

So meeting a friend after really long especially when in that long period of time so many things had happened, inclusive of a series of bomb blasts in our personal lives, this wasn’t how we expected our Saturday evening to be, ( I know, my sense of insensitivity is rather cruel and indifferent )

After walking her to the door, I came back to my room logged on to the internet and saw exactly what I was expecting and had told Shut before she was leaving;
Facebook status messages had changed, very obvious as to how disturbed everyone is because of the blasts.

Life might change for the victims and their families, but for the rest of us, Monday will again be a new start, a few discussions, a few statements of disgust towards this inhuman act, a few changed status messages on FB/orkut/msn/gtalk, a few more blog entries like these by some concerned and some not so concerned people; and that’s it.

I, just feel disappointed, for a wasted weekend and expected curfew at home; for the show tomorrow and for now convincing my friends to bunk college on Monday to come see Wednesday with me or rather go see it alone not being able to spend time with Shruti and do the things we had planned, not getting the expected phone calls and just not being too concerned as to how insensitive I am. :|

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Escaping Pain

The downside of the world is that everybody is telling us what to do.
"This is what’s wrong with the world and this is how to fix it. Just relax, we’re handing you your world on a silver platter and if you destroy it, don’t blame us."

The downside of being a scientist is that you spend your life trying to save the world from the inevitable. The tragedy of being an artist is that you spend your life trying to escape the inevitable.
"Recycle your lightbulbs because otherwise you’re drenching your home with mercury and begging for mutation. Quit smoking because it can cause blockage in your lungs (see also: cancer). Stop buying things made in China because they’re going to pass us in economic efficiency."

Who said that you had to conform to earn your place in the world? We are society. We made these rules and we can change them.

"Being an individual is the second bravest and/or most ignorant thing you can do, the first being having faith in anything."

Where would your fashion magazines and soap-opera stars be if we functioned solely on mitosis?
"Look the same, act the same, perfect people. We’re headed there."

Is it sad when a large portion of the girls in our country are masters of addition and subtraction because of calorie counting?

Fed on strict diets of image with daily doses of inferiority complexes, our youth is convinced that this is what we should be. We need to be a mirage or nobody will love us.

This is a plastic world of Photoshopped false idols and pain relievers. The world has a blurry edge to it. We focus so hard on relieving every prick of pain that we don’t see how we’re stifling growth. Pain has sparked almost all great things (songs, books, movements, speeches, paintings, ideas). People want to change the world because they see pain and suffering. Our sheltered, pill-popping children see none of this. And if they do catch a glimpse, they feel so disconnected that it doesn’t hit home. Apples for breakfast and neurotoxins for lunch. To live a real life, a meaningful life, don’t you need to experience pain? Emotional and physical pain teach us lessons and give us a powerful tool with which to take on the world.

We dont want to take risks, and attainable risks have been shut down long ago, leaving our experience-deprived teenagers stuck with a list of adrenaline rushes ranging from slightly potent to six feet under. If it’s fun, it’s either illegal, dangerous or a little of both. Give it a few years and that flu virus you’r safeguarded against has mutated to the point where it’s a completely new flu, and the bacteria that would have killed it has been wiped out, thanks to the anti-bacterial soap in every dispenser in every public bathroom.

I want to live before living is too lethal to attempt. I want to try things and enjoy things and feel things even if there is a one in 700 chance that I might develop brain cancer.I dont want to be afraid of suffering and pain that I medicate and medicate and medicate the pain away.
I want to suffer to create something truly beautiful.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Red the only colour (read: favourite colour) which couldnt find a place in the new layout. Sorry Red, you are reserved for better things maybe but I love you equally and also maybe more and thats the reason you are not here ;because you can never share the same space as anything else.

I'm not drunk. Im just in an extremely nice mood and I tend to sound extremely silly when I am in that mood.

BTW, I just saw 1002 views. It took a year , nice Im not that bad at entertaining people, but Im wondering, why would anyone still be reading this post.
If you still have continued reading , I think its one of those days for you as well, when you are in one of those moods, I know it feels great. Stop smiling.
Ah.. I know even if you werent similing you are smiling now.
Thanks , I know I made you smile and it feels great; you can drop in a thanks in the comments below, Its been long I dont get as much comments as I used to earlier. Not here , not on FB , not even on orkut. Imagine no scrap since a week. Oh yes I got two today only coz I have a new ID.
Well, this is the most random post ever.
And It will never be repeated. Even if it is..hello? Its my blog, I'll write whatever shit I want.

P.S- Thanks Billo, for the blog title colour. :D

Saturday, July 5, 2008

The Summer of '08

..has changed my life in a way I never thought it would.
Though ever since since school I looked as July as a new year cause the end of summer holidays meant alot of changes. People going away to colleges, new sets of friends, a new class. Alot changed in every July I have lived; entry and exit of people being the *most* important phenomena which controls the changes here.

Looking forward to another roller coaster.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Factors Controlling Life

When we think about life as a whole, it can be named in probably 'n' number of ways,
some call it a book, a story, struggle, a bed of roses (yup don't be shocked there are many many many people still sleeping )

But to think of it, it all comes down to a series of events.

These events test our patience, skills, thought process. Gives us lessons in the end and sometimes take away our false notions.

We call life unfair a lot of times - blame people , luck and more often than not even destiny. Sometimes everything is done to achieve a certain thing or reach a certain point and bam! everything crumbles down, nobody can answer why.

But come to think of it there are just three factors which rule life.

Yes, just three!

Whatever I wrote above could be fucking shit and no part of it might make sense , but those three factors always will.

Desires (Including emotional attachment), Health and Natural Disasters.

Whatever happens in life is because of the above three things, whatever we do are driven by desires, whatever comes in between that can be either another desire or a person (attachment) a certain accident (Natural Disaster) or if we aren't physically capable of doing it.

If these three factors are in complete control one can even predict their own future.

For instance, I know that tomorrow at 2 p.m I have to go for lunch with a friend, I predicted my own future, only these three factors can control me. Perhaps, I cannot predict about maybe what I'd be doing exactly one month from now because I don't know what circumstances I'd be in, only of course if I'm in complete control of my 'factors'.

To talk about them seperately; Desires are something which aren't certainly bad. Everything one wants in life, every position one wants to reach, be it an exam, a job, a car, a certain person; is because of desires. The reason to live probably is to make the correct choices and fulfill those desires. Now the way by which one is achieving it , the amount of importance which is being given, THAT can certainly be very very very bad at times.
Controlling desires isn't a very easy task though, but isn't something as difficult as rocket science :)
This is infact the most important and the most difficult thing to control.The reason for everything right and everything wrong we do is because of them. The reason why it's difficult to get over a certain mishap in life and further fuck everything else is also because of them.

The second thing is health, how much we live and how we live is always in ones own hand. Being fit, take care of what one does so that some major medical ailment doesn't hit which restrains from leading a normal life; isn't something all of us think about much. Till of course it hits us.

Whatever we want to do in life somewhere is tested by our capabilities,  from something as seemingly easy as staying up all night to complete a certain project, or working really hard at work to finish a deadline, to fucking  adventure sports and a hell lot more depend on the physical fitness.
Even a simple day out with friends can become tiresome for an unhealthy person.

The third factor, natural calamities. These are things which we just do not have any control on. But the number of people it has control on is less, a person has a 2/100 probability of dying because of an earthquake/volcano/tsunami. If its about road accidents and falling off from a cliff, it again is because of lack of presence of mind and can be controlled.

Yeah, It's extremely difficult to have an extremely undoubted hold on them. But instead of depending on things which are do not even play much role and are given undue attention, its better to focus on the right issues. More often than not we spend time and energy correcting the wrong issues altogether.

[P.S- I really want to know the validity of this theory, any argument which would prove it wrong is welcome.]

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Seeing Other People

I always wonder what other people are thinking about me and always wish that I could read minds.
It's so difficult to get into someone's mind and try to know the psyche of the person; yet easy to classify them in broad catagories.Certain kind of people change for that moment when only around certain kind of people and then they are back to the way they were around you. They will act all sophisticated while with the 'sophisticated' group of people, very cool and chilled out while in that certain group; etc. Does that mean faking? or its simply being smart to gel with everyone. And in that process more often than not they themselves forget who they are, Everyone has a different 'face' for different sets of people and situations. There is nothing really constant about any of them. Nobody can claim to know eveyrthing about someone, its just humanly impossible; we can know only what we are told and what we see; and what we see is only what the other person wants us to see.
Then there is always a difference between what one says and does, its so easy to tell someone how to behave in certain situations and what to do; but when it comes to their ownself everything is conveniently forgotten that too supported with a justifiable reason; which again is sometimes just a game of words.
People are what they are as they want to be seen and as we want to see them.
Its all a web; does it mean everyone is just putting up a certain face; and what I know of them is all just a certain dimension of them?

Maybe ; maybe not.


In between exams and results and languishing at home since the past 6 months and another one and a half to come I think my mind has stopped working completely; so instead of keeping a dead blog I deleted it completely , one of the reasons also being I had started disliking the name perfectionism kills.

So here I am, starting all over again. In every sense of the word.

Friday, June 13, 2008

I Will Be a Story

The day began as a mirage.
Dressed in the garb of a wise king,
I stumble into the desert searching for stories
in the sand.
I find no realism in the sun.
cannot be blamed on transitory light. It is my eyes
which censor the spectrum of time.
Recycling miracles,
With a dangerous emptiness, the wind
bellows and encompasses the earth. sagging dunes
translate moments. They know time well.

Tonight it's drafty and dark.
While sweeping up our my, I wonder
if the wind celebrates itself
or if the sky and the oceans
honor it and how.

“Tell me I am like the sand. Tell me
I am a ruptured star – the grit
of an ancient supernova,
Tell me when I settle
the wind will swipe me up and
scatter me

This makes no sense
but yet it does.
It's all so real from the real perspective.