Ive spent the last few hours with two people who have seen me since that phase when you are ugly, like man brows. The coolest I got back then was to wear black sports shoes with anklet socks and a stud metal bracelet. ( and yeah, back then this was damn COOL btw)
they've always seen me happy. Never seen me drunk, except for the first time, - these girls got me drunk on frooti and vodka and I stood under the shower with clothes on for 10 minutes. 5 years back.
they've seen me fall in and out of love with men, and tell them that " yaar but wo mera sacha pyaar tha"
they perhaps know me the best, would love me the most, have seen me happy the most. have seen me go from size 8 to size 12.
But,
they saw me in tears last night for no reason. For just telling them that I have hidden more than I shared, that this smile and the jokes, they all have a serious side , that I do have strong believes and rigid notions about people, about life, (which they have always rubbished as immaturity) which, I am very sure they will soon realise why I have them.
I feel I am cheating most people around me.
I have the facts,
I have the feelings,
I have the thoughts,
and they have all just been mine.
Call it selfish, protected, masked, or even a cheat.
but for me to reveal all of them ...even to myself, and being in peace with everything I am - means being out there on a display. The highest bidder of patience and responsive listening wins.
Till then, I shall laugh.
To the people, who are my friends - I'll always be around.
and to the people I called lovers - you don't know me.
to myself - I need a drink. that huge mug of coffee. ya, that giant one!
1 comment:
:-)
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