. And

I dream about drowning.
Not the choke to sputter darkness or the slow drift into light, But the kind of swim sparkle sun floating madness one gets from lulling in a hand-me-down seventies unheated water-bed.
I dream aboutliving in a place that always rains.
And the grey skies are all my sunshine days.
And now, under big comic blue skies and neverending grass fields and foreign tongues like spies- I long for landscape. And drizzle.
I long for the slow rocking madness of those moments in flight where I drifted and sucked water to breathe like oxygen.

I wanted to write something gently soft about the way life feels these days. But everything comes out always hard A's and concrete retaining walls. If ever I was lonely or alone things might be different. But this is a different kind of new. And everything that ever was like the way to spell the word color or the shape of my own face feels foreign. daunting. irresolvable. like public school maths. And the weight and consequence of my own tongue.


Dear Don Williams, stop singing Broken Hearts in your deep voice in my tiny head, cause then, first thing in the morning that I do...is start missing you! :(

Coffee Black and Cigarettes...

Bitterness is sweet.
Jumbles are addictive.
Circles are trippy.


.. roses are red, violets are blue?
Oh! yeah, yeah, we heard that. We done that. We have that, we don't.
You do?
I don't.
You pity?
I proud.
You sense?
I non sense.
You see?
I close my fuckin eyes!

Pictures are blind.
eyes are black and white.
water in the desert?
No, its a mirage!
That is fuckin scientific, that word - Mirage!..
You see beauty? I see pain.
You see that?
I see this!

Wherever you go...THERE you are.
Yes, There...It's always there!

Numb. Cold. Heavy. Hollow.
words are alphabets.

Oh, and I see the sunrise sometimes, but the sun doesn't rise, the earth revolves.
That was 2nd grade science? Or my ideas are fucked up?

Then, Then, Then,
and Now , Now, Now.
You see non sense?
I see meaning.
In what?
In nothingness.
Goodnight?
Tap. Tap. Dance!

My Maniac and I!

and if it comes to the rain, just be glad...
because so many ...
because so few...
because so ....
it happens!..

The ghosts who broke their heart before they met each other, lingered in their mind, their pictures perfectly framed in black ebony wood, maybe ..
they were sorry, their sorries stayed.